Hello and happy last day of June. This day is my last day of feeling summers’ endless possibilities. Therefore, I am left with no choice but to also post this today due to its now catchy intro. For me as a kindergarten teacher of 12 years, July marks Summer being almost too close to over. Whereas June still holds all the magical maybe. So maybe will this be the summer of magic God keeps telling me it’s going to be!?? Do I hear God’s audible voice in my head? Or am I just a little crazy? The first time I heard God’s voice: I was about five years old staring up at my Hello Kitty overalls and pondering self. I didn’t realize I heard God at five, it has taken me years of obsessing over God through my faith as a Christian to figure out I could really hear him, I think... God reveals himself to me through many ways. I have now deduced through a higher level of understanding God is quite literally everything. It’s just about how you discover him/ reach full understanding. I refer to God as a him because that’s my understanding, the story of Christianity is my vehicle. A few years ago, I met a man whose named Jet. We met briefly one night at a comedy show and he spoke to me from the stage. And literally looked at me and told me he had a message for me. “I had to make a choice”. The choice being to have faith. After the show we talked and it was confirmed to me he heard the same God, except he knew her as a woman he found through yoga. Amen. Why am I writing this post about God, well its better than the vlog I was prompted to do, so instead I settled on writing. I hear God’s voice in my head, and he helps me understand perspective which in turn brings me peace. So Why does God want me to write about this. I don’t know for sure yet, but maybe to prove to myself a truest test of faith. To proclaim my complete adoration for God whilst waiting for him to completely reveal himself to me. Today is hard, I am trusting that I just need to write it out loud (lol) once to get the ball rolling. Whatever that means. Feeling content in all circumstances, a real possible shit show and maintaining joy is almost an impossible task. How do we maintain peace and joy when everything seems hard in our life? What circles back to my brain is self-love. A topic of focus for me on this blog for a while and until I achieve it, I don’t think the topic is going anywhere. I struggle with achieving self-love because I cannot love my body despite my drastic weight loss and physical accomplishments. When we are truly content with ourselves our circumstances don’t hold the same power, therefore our joy remains intact and so does my faith. When I question myself, I also question my faith and vice versa. I don’t want to question my faith or myself anymore, so I think God is forcing me to accept it as it is without revelation, same going for my body (lacking perfection due to excess skin).
So, I found a small step in loving my body more today. I re-framed the way I was looking at a specific body part and it helped. Changing my thoughts is the most powerful thing I am in control of right now. I work on it every day, and I fail often. I have been listening and reading books, articles, posts about self-love, which has been helping. I search every day internally and externally to reach this goal. I know God is going to help me through this, he reassures me of this daily. So, I am here to reassure who ever reads this bit of dribble, you are loved beyond measure and held in the highest regard. Just make sure you believe it too! Happiest of Sunday Fundays to you! Love, April