Hello, it’s been awhile since I have last written on here. God has been twisting my arm all summer to write consistently and I guess I just kept hitting mute. This past weekend’s arm twisting worked. I have concluded I need to set aside time each day to reflect through writing which aligned perfectly to my decision over the weekend to take a break from social media. Now I will have at LEAST a good thirty scroll minutes each day to spend writing. The bigger issue at hand is self-love, something I am desperately trying to figure out. As much as social media provides encouragement, valuable knowledge and entertainment I’ve allowed myself to draw comparisons to other women and then feel inadequate. I have allowed it to damage my self-worth too much. Not sure when I will return to posting and commenting but I am sure someday I’ll miss that tasty little tart. As for now I have had some progress in the self-love dept. A few weeks ago, I was noticing how nice my hair felt as is swept across the top of my back. Then when I finally looked in the mirror where I nanny, I saw my hair in a new way, it looked different. I finally believed what people have been telling me my whole life about the beauty of my hair. Maybe the guided imagery my therapist has done with me or the writing of my own affirmations worked. I now love my hair, even on days when its waves are unruly or it’s just a simple braid down the back. A small step but needed at this time in my life.
Today was my first day back to school and I am so happy to report it was a great day and full of so many blessings. The first was during my bike ride to school, ready with my rain gear it barely sprinkled until I was about a block away and then it began to come down. Almost like it was being held off just for me. As I started unpacking my bicycle (PJ) my friend Julie brought me tomatoes from her garden and I almost cried, I love veggies so much. It is the second time she has brought me her delicious veggies. As we were chatting my friend Mike came in to say welcome back and mentioned he has a surprise coming my way tomorrow. Now I have something to look forward to. The day had barely begun, and I was met with so much love and kindness. As the day continued so did the blessings. The morning meetings were quick, we were granted extra time in our classrooms and we had complimentary coffee and fruit. During one of our breaks I received words of affirmation on how beautifully my room was set up and the calming warmth it has. I needed their words today. I also finally realized how important my internal dialogue is. I no longer can allow self-talk that is hurtful or untrue only constructive and loving. There are enough external factors telling me I am not enough, or I am too much. I cannot waste valuable energy being mean to myself. The final blessing of the school day was my friend Jenna taking me and my bicycle home in her car so I would avoid the PM showers after a busy sleep deprived first day. I really needed all the blessings today and am so thankful for them. I hope your day was equally loving. Happy Monday and stay dry.